What To Wear To A Black Tie Event (Women Over 40)

My husband and I have been going to black tie charitable events for many years. In my thirties, I relished dressing up in a strapless gown and sky-high heels. In my forties, my upper arms and waistline widened, and I found it more challenging to find flattering formal dresses. Not to mention, I no longer had the patience for discomfort. So what should a woman over 40 wear to a black tie event? Here’s a guide and plenty of gorgeous selections…

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But First, What Does Black Tie Mean?

Black tie is a dress code that once referred strictly to tuxedos and floor-length gowns. But over time, fashion rules have blurred, so you’ll probably see a variety of options like tea-length gowns and even formal pantsuits. So how do you know what’s appropriate?

Here are some factors to consider when you’re shopping for a black tie event:

The hosts and the occasion can alter the formality of the event. For example, an awards gala at an exclusive country club might be quite different from a wedding that includes an outdoor ceremony.

Knowing the other guests also helps to determine how strictly the black tie dress code will be followed. At black tie events that my husband and I attend, most guests are over 50 and have a casual personal style, so we see plenty of low heels, shorter dresses, and formal pantsuits.

The weather will also make a difference in how strict guests are with the dress code. When it’s snowing or raining, floor-grazing gowns and satin shoes just aren’t practical.

Black Tie Appropriate Dresses For Women Over 40

If you’re looking for a quick and easy shopping trip for your black tie event, I recommend going to the formal dress department of your favorite department store. They’ll have dresses organized by dress code and age, so there’s no confusion. Nordstrom, Nordstrom Rack, and Bloomingdales have a huge selection. Macy’s does too, but just be aware that they tend to stock a lot of those cheaper stretch dresses that I mentioned in my “avoid” list.

I’ll be wearing this mermaid lace dress (also available at Nordstrom) to our next black tie event. I’m just under 5’4″ so I had to have the gown shortened at the shoulders and the hem. I also sized up from my usual size 4 to 6.

The other dress I considered (image at the top of this post), was this A-line gown, but when I posted both on Instagram for feedback, the mermaid one was the clear favorite!

Here are some more options that you might like…

Shoes And Handbags For Black Tie Events

When in doubt, wear metallic or beaded shoes and accessories.

Black tie events call for a certain kind of shoes – they don’t have to be high-heeled, but they do have to look elegant. I have a pair of gold block heel sandals for spring and summer, and black velvet pumps for fall and winter.

I also have this gold clutch, a sequinned one, and a few box-shaped clutches for formal events.

Here are some options for comfortable shoes and pretty handbags…

Jewelry For Black Tie Events

If your dress is heavily embellished, you can pick simpler jewelry. But a more plain style (like a solid satin) may need a little extra sparkle. You can wear one statement piece or a matching set. If there’s any time to stack up the jewels, this is it.

Hair, Makeup, And Nails

I used to see more updos, professional makeup, and mani-pedis years ago, but lately, it seems like most guests choose a DIY hair beauty routine.

Whether you add volume to your hair or wear brighter lipstick than usual, your black tie look should be special.

I’ll talk more about over 40 makeup in an upcoming post, but I did buy these for my upcoming black tie event:

This lipstick comes in a slim pen shape which makes it easy to carry in a small clutch.

This cream blush is replacing the powder that looks too dry on my skin.

And, this concealer is not a “clean” product, but I needed some serious coverage for my dark circles!)

For nails, I’ve been loving the glazed and metallic trend so I’m going to pick up something frosty or shimmery for the event.

What Should Women Over 40 Not Wear To A Black Tie Event

I think most of you will agree that as we age we lean into comfort! So it’s quite tempting to dress down, even for a formal event. But if you don’t want to look underdressed or be disrespectful of a dress code, here’s what to avoid:

Maxi Dresses: though both are long dresses, there’s a big difference between a gown and a maxi dress. Gowns are made with “luxury” fabrics like lace, satin, chiffon, or velvet. They’re often embellished with embroidery, beads, or sequins. A maxi dress is more informal, sometimes made in cotton, linen, or rayon, fabrics you wouldn’t find in a gown.

Clingy Lycra/Spandex Dresses: When you’re looking for black tie event dresses, you’ll probably see some glittery body-con lycra/spandex dresses. They’re often more affordable, as they’re easier to produce (with cheaper fabric and less construction than a gown) but I don’t often recommend them for women over 40. They can look young and cheap unless you know exactly how to pull off this kind of look.

Comfort shoes: I’ve been to black tie events where I had to walk through a snow-filled parking lot. But as tempting as it may be to hide boots under your gown, it’s just not appropriate. Take a small bag with your gala shoes and stash your comfortable shoes in the coat room!

Off-Season Colors or Fabric: While velvet is a luxury fabric, it doesn’t look appropriate (or feel good) in warmer weather. Burgundy is traditionally a fall and winter color, while light blue is traditionally more of a spring and summer color. Lace, satin, crepe, and chiffon are all-season options.

Anything that makes you uncomfortable. I get it – many of the gowns you see online are backless, strapless, or have plunging necklines. But, it doesn’t make sense if you spend all night sucking in your tummy or tugging at your neckline. If you prefer sleeves, bra-friendly styles, or just room for dessert, then there are plenty of beautiful options for you.

My final piece of advice for black tie event outfits? Choose something that makes you feel effortlessly beautiful and allows you to focus on the event.

Do you have any questions about what to wear for black tie events? Let me know in the comments below…